16 - my life as a (neverending) 'to do' list

06 May 2011

when i saw these 'to do' lists on Mrs. Easton the other day, i thought they were the perfect illustration of my life recently, although i still can't decide whether this is inspiring or depressing. sometimes i think i am utterly insane to actually believe that i can succesfully manage and balance ALL these parts of my life and my many loves and interests. for anyone in academia, you know how consuming and demanding--mentally and bodily--it is, especially for grad students constantly struggling to make their way. YES, i build my own schedules and the waves come and go, but when they come, they REALLY come and the stress is enough to sink you. i love what i do, what i study and research and write. i (think) i love the future i am attempting to build for myself, and by extension for my partner and our family. but i also love and NEED more - the simple and delightful things, art-making, design, inspiration, wedding-planning, the everyday. art and life, art in life, art as life. i wonder: can i really do and accomplish and truly enjoy all these things? is my stubborn, insistent belief that i can misguided?

i am entering what is possibly the worst and most challenging part of my entire academic career, although possibly also one of the best: my comprehensive exams. my supervisor kindly reminded me this week to enjoy my time reading, because it is likely the last time in my career that i will be able to do nothing but read (40 books in 4 summer months, i might add. insane, anyone?). and yet i stubbornly insist on attempting to blog regularly in addition to making art, jewellery, and other handcrafted goods, preparing to open up and maintain my Etsy shops (i am almost there!), collecting daily inspiration, eating well, staying healthy, and putting time and energy into a long-distance relationship with the love my life. yup, i feel pretty overwhelmed at times. but don't we all?

and i must admit, when i finally scratch all the 'to dos' off my list(s), it is an incredibly satisfying and fulfilling feeling....


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